Just Some Christmas Humor from Heaven

Things you can only say at Christmas

1. Hey babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?

2. I've got something special in the sack for you!

3. Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip?

4. I know when you've been bad or good - so let’s skip the
small talk!

5. Some of my best toys run on batteries... (wink, wink)

6. I see you when you're sleeping - and you don't wear any
underwear, do you?

7. Screw the "nice" list--I`ve got you on my "naughty" list!

8. Just because I've got bells on my shoes doesn't mean I'm
a sissy.

9. I can get you off the naughty list.

10. Ho, ho, ho.




Special Holiday Fruitcake Recipe

Ingredients
1 cup unsalted butter; softened
3/4 cup all purpose flour
1 cup granulated sugar
2 cups of dried fruit
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 cup lukewarm water
4 large eggs
1 tsp lemon juice
1 tsp baking soda
1 750 ml bottle dark rum
1 tsp salt
1/2 cup chopped walnuts

Directions
Sample the rum to check for quality. Take a large bowl and add
butter. Check the rum again.
To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer, beat butter and sugar together in a large
fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of salt and beat again.
Make sure the rum is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer.
Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried
fruit. Mix on the turner.
If the fried fruit gets stuck in the beater pry it loose with a
screwdriver.
Sample the rum to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt.
Or something. Who cares?
Check the rum again. Now sift the lemon juice. Add one table.
Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the
oven.
Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat the turner.
Throw the bowl out the window, check the rum again and go to bed.